Monday, January 23, 2012

Moose's Mommy Blog

     Mommy blogs present a powerful force on the blogosphere, with impressive readership and engagement. The blog that inspired me to blog is technically a mommy blog. I Am Bossy is in fact a mother and so much are all mothers. Mothers, you know you are more than moms, right?! You are still YOU! I imagine motherhood to be the magical, transforming, challenging, rewarding, exhausting life experience you mommy bloggers describe in your digital writings. I am not a mother to any humans and can't quite relate to all the mommy blogs out there, but my dear friend Celeste (Mommy, Blogger, Not a Mommy Blogger) introduced me to an amazing mommy blog, Momastery
     Glennon, the Momastery blogger, writes with truth, heart, and humor so elegantly and real that I was in awe when I read her post "A Mountain I'm Willing to Die On." In this mommy blogger post, Glennon writes a letter to her son, pouring out her truth, heart and faith and unyielding love and promise of tolerance should he one day tell her that his gay. Glennon references bible verses and connects her faith to words in a way I have never known. All she speaks is love as her truth in her walk with God. I was touched, so I thought I should write a letter, too.
Dearest Moose,
     You are nearly 3.5 years old and we have been together only 6 weeks short of that. I picked you out over the Internet after researching as many American Bulldog breeders that I could find east of the Mississippi. Truthfully, I found a couple of other breeders I was more drawn to than the one that reared you, but you were already born and going to be weened within in weeks. Once I decided that I wanted to bring a puppy into my life, I wanted it NOW. Your mother tends to want what she wants and typically wants it like yesterday. I fell in love with you and named you before I made the 7-hour drive to Springfield, MO to get you. 
     Oh, you were just a nugget of love, love, love. I was so obsessed with you and didn't understand why my employer wouldn't grant me puppy maternity leave. I hated to leave you for a minute, so I took you with me everywhere that I could. You rode shotgun everyday - we went to Plump's Last Shot to meet the girls, played with Lyla and Marley, went to Grandma's, went to parks, malls. I even snuck you into work one day. I wanted to help socialize you to this world and for you to learn trust and manners.
     You passed training classes at Bark Tudor with flying colors. You are a smart, good boy! Mama, on the hand, became a bit soft on training. This allowed some less favorable behaviors to form, such as pulling on the leash, barking at me incessantly and not understanding that I don't speak that language, and jumping on people and the couch whenever you saw fit. Moose, Mommy wants you to know that this is not your fault. You are a smart, good boy. Mommy must carry this responsibility. I am in charge of setting boundaries and teaching you to be a gentleman. You see, Moose, God hit you with the handsome stick and with that comes the responsibility of acting like a gentleman. Mommy's must teach this (well, and Daddy's if there is one available for such lessons.) Oh, that reminds me. You had a human Daddy for a while and he loved you dearly. He and Mommy didn't jive after some time, so he had to move on. Please know this had nothing to do with you and he still asks to see you.
     Now, Moose, some people mistake you for a Pit Bull. That's okay. Many people are not familiar with your breed. We don't dislike Pit Bulls and you are a part of a larger dog community known as Bully Breeds. So are pits, so you're kind of like distant cousins but not really at all. At any rate, bullying aptly describes the behavior that led to your dismissal from doggy daycare. It's not very attractive to "get aggressive at the water bowl." Moose, you and Lilli share water and eat your food right next to each other. Mommy doesn't understand why you would push around a young, female Great Dane at the water bowl. As a result of this, we now take more walks together since you are not welcome to exercise with your friends anymore. Mommy still loves you and treasures our walks around our fabulous neighborhood. You walk nicely now and are free to pee on anything that you'd like.
     Grandma is allergic to you, but she loves you. She does. It's hard for her to not pet you. She buys you Christmas gifts and says "Awww" when I tell her stories about your antics. Mommy sometimes won't push you over in bed because I don't want to disturb you. I would rather hang off the edge of my bed than for you to get up and go elsewhere. I feel safe and loved when you are near me. Your heartbeat and breath bring a calm and a peace to my rest. When I bend down to kiss your chubby cheeks and rub your ears, sometimes you nudge in closer to my face. When you do that, I feel closer to a God that showers love in so many different forms. 
     Thank you, Moose, for letting me love you, for trusting me, for giving me your unconditional love, for making me laugh just when I need it, for knowing when I am sick or sad and just need your cuddles, for teaching me patience and perseverance, for loving Lilli, for being potty trained so easily, for being smart and good, for going in your crate without a fight, for forgiving me on occasional long days in the crate, for being the handsome good boy that you are and for walking this journey with me for however long I will be blessed with your companionship. 

I love you,
p.s. if Mommy has human babies in your lifetime, please love them.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Nuances - Musical and Lyrical

I don't think I have ever met anyone who said, "I hate music." Surely, soulless individuals exist, but fortunately we've not crossed paths. I know that I am not alone in my love for music. It's powers to elicit emotion, motivate rump shaking, and conjure nearly forgotten memories transcend us all. 

I am not certain when I fell in love with music or first obsessed over a song. Pretty sure it was Madonna, Prince, or Michael Jackson that ignited music loving in my soul at a young age -- or maybe it was Kenny Rogers or Lionel Ritchie. I was in love with Mr. Ritchie. I remember asking my mom if I ran into Lionel Ritchie on the street would I call him "Mr. Ritchie" or "Lionel." I was probably about 7 years old.

En route to countless softball practices and games, my dad and his buddy, Skip, (and my best friend's dad) rocked Journey, John Mellencamp (Johnny Cougar,) The Doors, ELO, and Roy Orbison. I knew every nuance of "Authority Song" and "Faithfully." Connecting to one small chord, note, or line of a song made it feel like "my" song. In "Authority Song," for example, the drums beat deep, and then John throws in the "Kick it in." Ahh...I love it. To this day, I love it! Dad, Skip, Kristen, and I would hit the line each time and be pumped up for another softball practice.

The nuances draw me into a song -- I feel something, an actual physical reaction to the song. I can't tell you how many times I have repeated "China Doll" on Grateful Dead's Reckoning -- specifically at 4:15 when Jerry starts into "Take up your china doll...It's only fractured. Just a little nervous from the fall." The harmony on the last part literally melts me.

Similarly, and because it reminds me of the aforementioned Dead line, Ryan Adam's "Two" gets me on so many levels, but shivers go down my spine each time he sings, "I'm fractured from the fall, and I want to go home." Makes me wonder if "China Doll" offered him some inspiration.

Sometimes it's is a guitar or other strings chord that pulls at my heart. I highly recommend the entire Charlie Hunter Quartet Natty Dread album. The "No Woman, No Cry" is a melodic, instrumental treasure. Right at 2:03, Charlie Hunter unleashes magic on his 8-string guitar. I melt. Melt! Another melt-inducer for me is the guitar at 3:00 in The Rolling Stones "Wild Horses" on Sticky Fingers. Don't get me wrong, every other aspect of these songs earn them kudos, but it's these nuances that connect me to the whole.

And, just a few more nuances...
"I'm in love with a girl who's in love with the world and I can't help but follow" -- Amos Lee, Keep It Loose, Keep It Tight
"I dig it when you're fancy dressed up in lace. I dig it when you have a smile on your face." -- Van Morrison, Warm Love
"Love the girl who holds the world in a paper cup. Drink it up. Love her and she'll bring you luck. And, if you find she helps your mind, buddy, take her home." --Kenny Loggins, Danny's Song
"And, I am ready to suffer and I am ready to hope." -- Florence + The Machine, Shake It Out 
I am sap and these songs, tunes, chords, lyrics, melodies, harmonies help me shape my ideal for life and how I want to be treated. How does music affect you and your life?

My theme song:

Sunday, January 1, 2012

First Concert Ever?

I love asking this question. Whether it be in the course of trying to get to know someone or as an ice breaker in a large group, this question get conversations started. And, people love to answer the question and tell their first concert story. It's just a good question. Dad LOVES to answer this question before anyone even asks it. "The BEATLES. Chicago 1965."
My First Concert Ever 
(Technically, I think I saw The Four Tops at a free concert in Indy over Labor Day or something. NKOTB was the first concert I begged to attend.) I remember standing on the seats of the Pepsi Grandstand at the Indiana State Fair trying to get a better view of Danny and each of my other friends screaming for another New Kid. No one seemed to have a crush on Danny. Maybe that's why I did...less competition.

During my New Year's burning ritual, I discovered a whole bunch of concert ticket stubs. Each one represented a special moment in time and brought me right back to the show. Music rocks my soul and a live show feeds it even more.
A Few More Impressionable Shows
Took a while to convince Mom that this was a good idea. Changed my life!!!
An amazing night for so many reasons.  
Vince Welnick, former Grateful Dead keyboardist, kissed me on the cheek!

Happy New Year: Letting Go and Looking Forward

      I have no specific resolutions for 2012 that are strikingly different than most intentions that I have for each and every day already.  I seek to grow spiritually and be the best woman that I can be.  I want to be healthier - physically, mentally, spiritually, and financially...always.  So, I guess my biggest resolve for this New Year is to be intentional in every moment and in every decision while always honoring my authentic, true self.
     Today, I did a ritual burning of stuff.  Stuff like little notes I put in my "God Box." I put thoughts or trouble on paper and put them in this box in an attempt to hand them over to the Universe's grand plan and let go of outcomes I try over-manage -- very unsuccessfully.  I performed this burning ritual last year as well.  This year I burned more stuff.  Old stuff.  Really old stuff that I keep holding onto in my mind and in my heart.  Stuff that really expired many moons ago like love letters from my high school and college boyfriend (Okay, those of you who really know me know that this pretty major. Oh, and don't you miss love letters instead of love texts and emails?! BRING BACK LOVE LETTERS!) I was going to burn other stuff like photos, but my friend Devon asked me if that would omit toxins into the world, and I didn't know the answer to that.  So, I still have a few sentimental photos.
     Honestly, after going through it all, I didn't want to burn it all.  There is definitely something cathartic about burning and symbolically letting go of stuff that keeps my thoughts and heart in the past.  But, I also really enjoyed the little trip down memory lane and had peace in my heart about these little artifacts of my past.  Without burning it all, I realized that mostly I have let go of yesterday, yesteryear, yesterboyfriend.
     I remember enjoying looking through my parents' little history exhibits of past boyfriends and girlfriends, friends at Miller Beach in Gary, and sitting on cool cars.  I want to keep a few of those little artifacts to share with my children if the good Lord ever decides to bless me with a loving, handsome, generous, kind, and funny husband with whom to create a family...still working on letting go and turning that one over to the Universe.

Erin has been house/puppy sitting for the last couple of weeks and Lilli is with her.  Moose is a little out of sorts without his lady.  I took him on two walks today to try to distract him from the pain.